OMG, where has my cute little three year old gone?! Everyone’s heard of the terrible two’s, but I warn you if you’re feeling smug because you missed that out, well they may be storing it up for their third year of life! I won’t lie, I was that smug parent who saw toddlers throwing the mother of all tantrums whilst quietly thinking…”Thank goodness Krish wasn’t like that!” Stupid woman I shouldn’t have been so self-righteous. Read on for the horror that is living with a threenager!
Krish’s most frustrating teenager type behaviour mainly revolves around getting dressed in the morning and whether or not he’s allowed to spend time glued to a screen. I am trying desperately to reduce his screen time but since the twins were born it’s unfortunately became a part of our morning routine and now the screens addictive qualities are creating problems throughout the day. So basically, somehow it became the norm that Krish would come into our bedroom when he wakes in the morning and use my phone until we head downstairs for breakfast. Then again when we come back upstairs while I’m feeding the babies before their nap. Depending on what time he wakes up, and how much of a rush we’re in sometimes this means we’re talking hours of screen time before he’s even dressed and ready for the day! “…..and the rubbish mum award goes to…..”
Now I have tried to get him to play with his toys instead but he is so clingy at the moment that he wants to be right next to me all the time! I understand he’s craving attention since the boys have arrived and this partnered with a disequilibrium phase is playing havoc with his emotions just for starters!
Disequilibrium is the half year period before a child’s birthday, (in this instance from 3 1/2 until 4 years old) where children are confused, emotional, temperamental and may have difficulty completing tasks that they previously have easily accomplished. They then move into phases of equilibrium where they seem to have “got it all together”.
Thank you Planning With Kids you have opened my eyes. I hope this will help me deal better with what the next 4 months has to bring! Seriously, if you’re struggling with a threenager, check this blog out! http://planningwithkids.com/2009/11/17/characteristics-of-three-and-a-half-year-old-behavior/
Anyway back to Krish…so yesterday his Fui (Aunty) collected him from nursery and brought him home then stayed to help with dinner, bath and bedtime as Raj was travelling back from a funeral. Well from the minute he got in and realised he wasn’t going to Fui’s house so he could have the iPad, Krish went into total meltdown mode: screaming and shouting. So I sat him on the thinking step to calm down which only made it worse. I tried to talk to him and explain that we would go on Thursday but he got more and more cross. Every time I walked away he got louder but when I stood by him he turned away and hid his face. I tried to hug him, he pushed against me, flapping his arms and kicking his legs. At this point I walked away saying I would speak to him when he’d calmed down. As I turned away I noticed he’s doing the wee wee shuffle. I asked him if he needed a wee, he said yes, I took him. He calmed down a bit. But next he didn’t want to wash his hands (this is not usually a problem) so choosing my battles I offered hand sanitizer instead. He happily squirted that on and literally skipped into the living room and started to play with his cars. I rolled my eyes to the sky thanking god it’s nearly bedtime! 🤪. There were about 3 more meltdowns before bed…eating his dinner nicely, tidying up his cars and the biggest having his hair washed!
He’d started the day off like this too so I should have been expecting an evening of drama. Before nursery as on most mornings, the drama revolves around choosing his clothes. As he has my phone, usually watching YouTube Kids he doesn’t want to stop to choose his clothes but I know full well that he won’t want to wear whatever I choose….and so it begins! Oh and that’s before the battle over brushing his teeth!
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I really do feel for him though! His world has been totally turned upside down in the last 8 months. He started nursery, he became a big brother to not one baby but two, spent a lot of time away from me while the twins were in NICU, he’s learnt many new skills, learnt hundreds of new words and had to deal with emotions he’s probably never felt before! With the birth of the twins, we’ve all experienced a massive change in our lives, just as things were starting to get easier. It’s a learning curve for all of us but the onset of the Terrorist Threes feels a bit like an avalanche in the midst of a blizzard!
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For Krish, I need to do better. I need to be calmer. I need to model to him the behaviours I want to see by the way I respond to him. I need to talk to him more when melt downs are looming rather than flying off the handle. I need to play with him more! I need to cuddle him more to let him know he’s still my number 1 boy! All these things I do…but I need to do them more and more consistently.
Despite his threenager episodes he still amazes me everyday with his intelligence, sense of humour, memory for details, loving nature, his enquiring mind and his sensitivity. When I’m feeding the twins and he comes to say night night he gives each baby a kiss on the head and then each boob, saying “night night boobies”. He’s incredibly in tune with his and others emotions actually but I guess now he has to learn how to express them appropriately in any situation. I know adults who struggle with this so Krish, I think you’re doing great!He cracks me up with his funny phrases and one liners. Today I told him if he tipped all his cars out then he would be tidying them away later and he replied “Ok Mummy grumpus!” When it was bath time tonight and I clearly wasn’t coming quick enough for him he shouted down the stairs, “Come on child!” I wonder where he’s heard that from! For you Krish I will do better. I will help you ride these stormy waves until you’re 4 and until your brothers are older and demand a little bit less of my attention. I love you little pickle, we’ve got this!
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How do you handle your threenager?
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Thoughts from under the feeding pillow 